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Wiggle Your Big Toe

July 4, 2010

Wow, three weeks flies right by when you’re in a coma.

As my funds have been frozen due to “suspicious purchases,” (c’mon, I travel a lot!) I had only a small amount of my cash per diem left, so I decided to use my skills as a card counter to up the odds. The “Rain Man of Little Rock,” someone once yelled at me. I hit up the Indian gaming casino in the middle of nowhere.

Well, I lost my memory beyond that thanks to brain trauma, but their falsified statement on the police report says I was “not gambling, and getting tanked on free drinks until I tried to use a gogo dancer as a guitar.”

The security guard who assaulted me was a large Native American. I had the wherewithal to snap a hasty photo of him as he bludgeoned my head with his rock-like fists, but it didn’t turn out well. I used my CIA connections to run it through photoshop forensic enhancement so we can get a look at the perp. He owed me a favor after my quick thinking saved him from getting his cover blown in Crete.

The miracles of modern technology

I’ll be seeing you in court, man.

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From → liars, nemesis, racism

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