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Oo-Rah

September 22, 2010

It’s funny who you bump into when you walk around wearing a kevlar vest on the outside, “hero style” as we called it in the National Guard. I was gonna leave town later on today, but as I was enjoying an Irish coffee downtown, I was accosted about my uniform by a transient named Robin Rodes (who I last saw comfortably in his habitation as I walked away and called my mother, so yes, I CAN account for my whereabouts).  Robin told me a devastatingly sad story about his need for only a couple bucks to get across town — I knew better, he was gonna use it on booze, so I called his bluff and offered him a lift back to his place.

Unfortunately, it appeared that he did indeed need to get back to his place, so I drove him all the way out there, right next to the cabin from the film reels.  I could clearly sense that this was a great lead, especially when a black SUV high-tailed it out of there as soon as it saw me. I’m onto them. When Robin showed me his place at 12:17 PM, I decided to keep pressing, I ain’t not getting paid to ignore a good lead.

Believe it or not, it's crappy on the inside too.

His house had a rolled up rug that he wouldn’t allow me to investigate, a lot of yarn, and his dog Philip (which looked suspiciously like a taxidermied hyena). I accepted his offer for coffee, which he did indeed have in a french press [sic decapitalization, God bless America].

I asked him about my main directive, and he told me he had a story for me, which I had him start over when I began recording it with my Tascam. His last wish was to have me use a voice modulator to protect his identity:

Afterwards I had no choice but to use force to defend myself. I am also nearly certain that the sugar in my coffee was indeed crack cocaine.

I left him alive and well, I specifically recall him saying “thank you for everything, Jesse, although there is a possibility I might off myself tonight” and, after calling my mother (12:37 PM), bumped into the friendly gentlemen from before and got another pamphlet. This time the fat one waded across the river to give it to me. If you or the authorities talk to them they will definitely mention how normal and unshaken I was. This was at 12:43 PM, by the way, which puts me alone with Robin for no more than 15 minutes. The gentlemen will corroborate my story, I’m sure, but I’m sure Robin is doing just fine, I wouldn’t know anything about that.

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